The Cuban guide to Imperialism
Do you like getting your hands dirty, have a passion for “do it yourself projects” and infiltrating other countries and draining them of their natural resources?
Then why not try a rewarding career as an Imperialist. Crafted over five decades of totalitarian rule, the Cuban guide to Imperialism is guaranteed to get you ruling another state by proxy faster than you can say “ It’s all a lie by the CIA”.
Simply follow these easy three steps used by the Cuban state to seize control of Venezuela and which despite being widely documented by journalists across Latin America, no one in T&T cares about.
1. Nurture would be dictators
The first step to infiltrating another state is being able to spot talented local politicians. Ideally you need to find someone who is charismatic, is an excellent orator and of course harbours idiotic delusions of grandeur.
When Hugo Chavez was released from prison in 1994 after being jailed for leading an attempted coup in 1992, Fidel Castro immediately saw his potential. Welcoming him in Havana, Castro introduced Chavez to a young trade unionist who had been trained by the Cuban intelligence agency (known as G2) and who would be instrumental in running Chavez’s successful election campaign in 1998-Nicolas Maduro.
In 1999, when Chavez became President, he declared that the countries of Bolivar and Marti were “one country united.” A slogan that would ring true as like socialist Cuba, Venezuela would soon run out of democracy and toilet paper.
2. Establish your primary goal
Once you have your local puppet in place it’s time to set up your racket. Fidel Castro wanted control of Venezuela for two reasons – firstly to continue profiting from the drug trade and secondly, getting his hands on much needed oil. As veteran journalist Christopher Dickey has reported on for the Daily Beast, Havana during the 1980’s was a major transshipment point for cocaine headed for the United States. But then in a huge buzz kill, the US war on drugs began to see many Cuban officials being indicted for drug smuggling. This coupled with the disintegration of Cuba’s sugar daddy, the USSR, meant Castro needed new ways to make money. Because you can’t run a socialist paradise on Che Guevara T-shirts alone.
Two of the major drug traffickers in the region, the Colombian FARC guerrillas and the National Liberation Army (ELN), which both had major ties to Castro, began developing operations in Venezuela, transforming the country into a NARCO state. This was in the early 2000s and in what is probably a complete coincidence around the same time T&T’s own crime rate began to dramatically spike.
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